Looking back
Family is forever. That was the lesson I was taught, by my mom and dad. But what happens when a parent chooses to walk away from that?
Thanksgiving, 2019. The last time I was with my dad. Except, I didn’t know it was going to be the last. It’s a strange feeling, looking back on this time. Would I have done anything differently if I’d known it was the last time I’d hug him? Be hugged by him? The last time I’d sit with him at the table for our morning bowls of cereal? The last time we’d have a conversation about everything and nothing?
I wish I could say it was COVID related. Or cancer related. Or anything health related. But it wasn’t. It was because I said “yes” when Melanie proposed. I followed a path of my own making instead of the road he’d paved for me. I chose something other than what he wanted for me. And because of that, he couldn’t support me. He felt he couldn’t hold his beliefs and also support me. He chose his beliefs. He walked away from me, claiming he was doing it out of love. All I felt was hurt.
I’m lucky that my mom, brothers, and sister chose differently. Not everyone who leaves the church because they’ve found the love of their life has that experience. Despite that support, I was still sad and hurt and devastated and angry and disappointed and heartbroken that my dad made a different decision than the rest of my family. If that sounds like too much all at once, it was.
Love shouldn’t be the reason a dad stops talking to his daughter. It shouldn’t be the reason extended family members distance themselves from a niece, a cousin, or a grandchild. Love should be uniting. Not divisive. The happiness of one person shouldn’t be deemed “lesser” because it looks different than the happiness of someone else.
Love is love. And love should be enough.
So. If I had known, would I have done anything differently? The answer is likely yes. My dad was the person in the world who knew me best for most of my life. I would do anything to have one more moment with him before everything changed. But should I have to have done anything differently? Or is that responsibility on him?
